10/10 Would Not Recommend
I will never forget, through my tears and frustrations and fighting to find the beauty in what I could not figure out how to love [this season] - my therapist said, “I think you need to give yourself permission to not love it. Who says you need to love it? I don’t think you even need to like it. Who said you needed to like it?”
You don’t need to love waking up at 3AM comforting your 3 year old who is having nightmares leaving you unable to fall back asleep. You don’t need to like doing the endless amounts of laundry. It’s okay if you would prefer to work outside of the home, (or vice versa) prefer to be at home with your kids, while God has other plans for this season. You aren’t a bad parent if the tiny humans’ screaming and arguing sends you to literal tears because you are so overstimulated.
Who said you need to like it?
Trigger warning: Answering this question may reveal some hidden areas that may keep your therapist busy for the next serval months. But, good for you for keeping someone’s business afloat!
My husband and I have always joked around that he thrives in the newborn phase and I just…don’t. I remember thinking, “Oh my gosh! I don’t even know how to swaddle a baby.” On the other hand, he wrapped that baby in a blankie burrito faster than you could say, “actually, get me a burrito, all of this pumping is leaving me starving!!” While I on the other hand thrive in the 2’s. I somehow just see inside their tiny bodies and have grace for the terrible toddler attitudes while it is definitely not his favorite.
Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to thrive in every phase of life?
Who says you are going to LOVE every season of your life? Not even Disney puts out that kind of dream land content anymore.
In a world where we are consumed with Instagram reels that remind us of how much time we have left while the sad scoring plays beneath the even sadder words, or we get caught up in comparison with the mom who is posting content with an actually clean house in the background causing you to look around your own home in wonder of your inability to keep a room tidy for 2 entire minutes - we have got to remember that our story doesn’t need to be their story! Maybe this is THEIR season to thrive. And perhaps you are going to be thriving when they need a little help and encouragement.
In full transparency, yes, there ARE SOME people who will always look like they are thriving. Some people are really just that annoying. I tend to find that those people are high anxiety and actually aren’t thriving deep down as they appear to be on surface. I don’t know about you, but I’m looking for parent friends who want to down a large order of chips and salsa and marg while swapping horror stories of the latest “he took his diaper off” happenings, Pinterest projects that just stay on the board, and those who forgot their kid’s lunchbox for the 3rd time in 1 week. THIS is the kind of encouragement I need in this season!
So, friend. Give yourself permission to say, “I just don’t love this.” Give power to this permission! For me, it has released a lot of pressure and in turn, allowed me to laugh at myself through my not so favorite parts of this crazy hard parenting story. And when all else fails, just bring chips over. I’ll be stocked with the salsa and margs!